4 posts from November 2007

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New military duty station

Nov 24, 2007
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We had just arrived in England (new military duty station). I guess this took place about 3-4 months after the actual move.

Anyway, when you first get there the military has this whole briefing on “terms”. Like the “boot” and “bonnet” of a car (trunk and hood). How you should never use the term “fanny” pack (it’s a “bum” pack). But they just don’t tell you everything. The rest you learn from your children. . .

Did you know, in England, ”willy” is a slang term for a, er, male body part?

We didn’t!

In fact, I had just found that out, from my kids, about 5 minutes before our English dinner guests arrived for dinner one night . The General got stuck at work and actually arrived at home after they.

I can’t recall, but I believe this was the first time they were over for dinner. Their children (boys) were the same age as our older two and they just lived across the street.

I thought to myself it was one of those oddball items that could wait till after they left.

And, then, right after desert when the kids were tearing around the house, the General grabbed one of theirs and evilly suggested he should give him a “wet willie”!

(to clarify: a wet finger in the ear)

Can you imagine the looks of the parents and the poor boy????!

Priceless!

Thankfully, I broke out in laughter and everyone took a moment to figure out what was going on!

They are some of our better friends now, but, “wet willies” are never given!

Housekeeper Tiffany

Nov 23, 2007
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A man is just about to get a CD out of a cabinet when the
phone in the kitchen rings.

“Hello,” says the man answering it.

“Hi,” says a high woman’s voice. “This is Tiffany the
housekeeper.”

“Oh,” says the man. “Hi Tiffany.”

“Hi, Mr. Birschman. Sorry to call so late. I figured you’d
be back later, so I planned to leave a message. You see, I
had a problem when I was cleaning the bedroom.”

“What sort of a problem?”

“Well, when I was trying to make your bed, your envelope of
emergency money, you know, the one you keep under the
matress, it fell out.”

“Well, what’s the problem, Tiffany?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure just where to put it back, so I just
put it under the bottom left corner. Is that okay?”

“Yes. Thank you for telling me that, Tiffany. I appreciate
it.”

“Oh, also, when I was vacuuming the living room, I found
that diamond ring you’ve been missing.”

“That’s wonderful, Tiffany! By the way, where did you put
it?”

“In the jewelry box on the dresser, of course!”

“And how did you lock it?”

“First I turned the key to the right, then I pulled it out
and tried the top to make sure it was locked,” says the
housekeeper, revealing how well she remembered his
instructions.

“Good! And where did you put the key?”

“In the top right cabinet in the kitchen, under the good
china.”

“Fantastic!” says the man, impressed.

“Oh, and I took the courtesy of wrapping the keys to the
Porsche in that adorable little box. I know your wife is
going to be so surprised.”

“Stupendous. Thank you so much, Tiffany. You are really a
great housekeeper.”

“Thank you, Mr. Birschman, and have a nice night.”

“You too, Tiffany. Good night.”

The man hangs up the phone, turns to his buddy, and says
with a grin, “This is going to be the easiest robbery ever!”